It's September. The kids are back in school and I have a thousand things I want to do which is a pretty good indicator that I'm feeling like myself again. Having energy is quite a gift and I am incredibly grateful. But I still hit the hay at 9pm. Otherwise I'm not a very happy mommy in the morning. At one of my doctor appointments this summer, doc was checking in on everything and when I told her I still felt pretty tired at 8pm, she said that had nothing to do with cancer or chemo. That was just me getting old.
Hot flashes remain my constant companion and they are loyally accompanied by cold flashes, as I think I've mentioned. Cold then hot, cold then hot. Sweater on, sweater off. Sweater on, sweater off. Shirt off. Naked. Naked with fan. Naked with fan and ice water. Shirt back on. Sweater back on. Add a scarf. In August. Who's the weirdo?
Chemo hair - my other nemesis. Short, thick, course, and curly. Wiry, one might say if one wanted to be cruel but accurate. Yes, I've dug into my bag of old tricks - the flat iron, the curling iron, the hair dryer and straightening brush - but the results are comical and except for making me laugh not worth the effort. New hair products include olive oil, straight up out of the bottle from the kitchen. I also bought myself thinning sheers and when the spirit moves me I chop away at Chemo Hair and fill a small trash can. I haven't given up scarves yet, though more and more I forgo the full-on kerchief and go for a thin width of fabric that ties at the nape of the neck. A few bobby pins keep the wild sides in place and the scarf reigns in a few curls at the top. It's not a look I would choose out of a magazine, but I'm also not six feet under, am I? I'll take the Chemo Hair over the alternative.
Psychologically I think I am repairing. I spent the summer with family. My kids, my husband, my moms, my dads, my siblings, the new baby. They are my loves. We planted our garden and then we ate it. I cooked. I baked. I read books. I took a vacation from thinking. I took a vacation from worrying. I took it down a notch. Several. I did not live at the break-neck pace of city life. And now I know how good it feels.
While I was in Crested Butte, Colorado, where pot is now legal, I browsed the shelves of the Wellness Center and found some interesting products. Salvation balms, tinctures, muscle relief lotion. All infused with THC. For healing, don't you know. Those interesting products found their way into my medicine cabinet. My favorite: "Calming Crème." Ingredients: Lavender, Chamomile, Frankincense, Cannabis. I rub it on my temples at night. And also on my forehead. And cheeks. Chin. Neck. My whole head really. And then I sleep. Calmly.
https://www.apothecanna.com/
www.DixieElixirs.com
www.DixieBotanicals.com
(just in case you're curious!)
(And this is Dad having a sympathy hot flash with me. He's the greatest. Love you, Dad!!)
